The Joy of Being the Contradiction

I like—no, I enjoy—being mean, firm, and saying no. Not out of bitterness. Out of balance. Out of necessity. Out of pleasure. Especially as a Black woman, I find an unspoken delight in denying access to things I never asked for in the first place—expectations, assumptions, roles.

Not necessarily to the people I love, but to the larger societal script that tells me who I’m supposed to be: agreeable, accommodating, watered down. No thank you.

I am loud.
I am fun.
I am ridiculously smart.
I am shy and soft and timid.
I am courageous, sensual, thick, tender, and terrifying when necessary.
I love hard. And yes, if I have to, I fight harder.

I travel. I nurture a career. I’ve lived in fullness—on my terms. But the greatest thrill? Being the exact opposite of what small minds expect of someone like me. That’s where the real magic lives. I’ve seen it reflected in others too—women, femmes, the beautifully melanated, and every hue and heart beyond.

I also enjoy being right. Especially when I’m underestimated.

Fun people like me? We get pegged as the airheads. The “party girls.” The ones you don't take seriously. But baby—please don’t let the vibe fool you.

I graduated high school in three years. I’ve attended two universities. I have technical training in digital media: camera ops, editing, website coding, voiceover work—you name it. I studied the human brain for fun, dreamed of becoming a neurosurgeon, and still study psychology in my leisure. I’m not new to this. And I’m damn sure not stupid.

Sure, the occasional simple thing flies over my head. I overthink more than I should. But I’m an Aquarius—intuition is my love language and rebellion is my birthright. I believe in the mystical, the infinite, the not-yet-explained. I trust the Universe because it’s never failed me. People? That’s another story.

And when I am right? When I knew something all along? I love the moment where I get to say, “I told you. You’re the one who didn’t trust me.”
Because have I ever given you a reason not to?

I want to be the person I didn’t always have—real, helpful, wise, intentional. I want to offer guidance, not drain myself dry. I will support when I can, pour when I’m full—but never, ever be played with. I’ve earned my time on this planet. I’ve earned my wisdom. And I’ll continue to collect knowledge like it's gold because no one—no system, no bias, no bullshit—can take that from me.

Being intelligent, intuitive, and spiritually tuned-in is a flex.

And while we're being real? This country I once thought was "great"? Scam.
Embarrassing, even.
To be American right now is to live in a constant contradiction.

But to be a Black woman like me?
To carry all of this, and still choose joy? That’s the truth.
And if you’re anything like me—rooted, radiant, rebellious—then maybe you just want a better existence for all melanated people. Because we? We just hit different.