Respectability is a Scam: Stop Polishing What They’ll Never Value

I am so tired of hearing about this proverbial table. Fuck that raggedy-ass table. What’s a measly colonizing-ass table worth to someone like me—Black, Brown, a person of color? It’s a joke. A full-on comedy routine, except the laugh is always on us.

We’ve been taught to believe: if you act right, look right, talk right—you might get an invite. But even if you do, they’ll hand you a folding chair, smile in your face, and still lock the power behind closed doors. Because that table was never built for us—it was built on us.

Respectability is just colonizer cosplay dressed up as “making progress.”

History Don’t Lie

Respectability politics didn’t drop out of thin air. It came wrapped in church sermons, civil rights strategies, immigrant assimilation manuals. Back then, it was about survival—don’t be “too much” or risk losing everything.

But let’s keep it real: survival strategies aren’t liberation strategies. Somewhere along the line, we went from protecting ourselves to policing ourselves. We inherited rules that don’t shield us from harm, they just shackle us tighter.

Zora Neale Hurston said it plain: “If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.” That’s what respectability politics does—silences us until we choke on our own erasure.

Every rule of respectability is just another way of saying: “Be less you, be more them.”

The Cost of Polishing

Every day, every space, every job—we code-switch without even thinking. Especially if you work with the general public or inside the corporate beast. For Black folks, it’s not optional. It’s either remain polished or perish.

And let me be clear—I love being polished. There’s an air about me when I show up sharp. It feels like I’m making my ancestors proud. The Harlem Renaissance crowd would tip their hats at me. I thrive daily reparations.

But here’s the flip: while I shine, every single colonizer descendant can still catch the smoke I throw. Because polish doesn’t buy protection—it just buys you a moment of silence before they shut you down.

Respectability isn’t free:

• It drains your emotions (shrink yourself or get branded “angry”).

• It drains your wallet (from hair relaxers to “office-approved” clothes).

• It drains your legacy (passing down fear instead of freedom).

Respectability is the tax we pay to live in a system that will never give us citizenship of the soul.

Nina Simone once said: “An artist’s duty is to reflect the times.” She didn’t get up on stage and code-switch her fire for anyone. Why should we?

The Scam Exposed

And here’s the truth: even when you do play by the rules, it’s still not enough. You can pile up degrees, rock perfect diction, walk into boardrooms polished to the teeth—and racism, sexism, classism will still slam the door.

Literally. That part.

Because no matter what, a mediocre white existence will always seem to trump that of any well-traveled, superiorly educated, empathetic humanitarian of color. Wild, right? Maddening. And still true.

Respectability is not protection. It’s performance. And performances are for the stage, not for survival.

Audre Lorde gave us the warning shot decades ago: “Your silence will not protect you.” Neither will your polish.

Respectability is the colonizer’s dress code for survival, and I’m done auditioning for a role that was never written for me.

The Flip: Claiming Our Power

So let’s end the scam. No more shining just to dim ourselves. No more polish for their comfort.

Every cultural revolution that shook the earth came from people refusing to bow to the script. Hip hop didn’t ask for permission. Natural hair didn’t wait for HR’s approval. Our art, our music, our slang, our brilliance—it is the blueprint.

We are the rhythm. We are the future. We are the standard. Why polish what’s already gold?

Our existence is already luxury; respectability just tries to sell it back to us cheap.

As James Baldwin said: “You have to go the way your blood beats. If you don’t live the only life you have, you won’t live some other life—you won’t live any life at all.” Respectability ain’t living—it’s performing death in slow motion.

Closing & CTA

Respectability will never be liberation. It will never keep us safe. It will never give us what we’re owed.

So stop polishing for scraps. Stop bleaching your brilliance. Shine because you were born to, not because they let you.

👉🏾 Some folks bring smoke, we bring sage. Not everyone deserves your presence—but this space was built for your power. Real talk, real tools, real freedom.